We both loved to ride, motorcycles. One day we rode to Panoche Valley, what a great day that was! The weather was good, roads clear, we had a good dinner and a great night!
Next weeekend, a ride to Hornitos, day was going great, but I guess he could no longer contain what was boiling inside him, the need to take control of the situation, control of me, so BAM! it was Ugly, got back from the road trip, asked him to leave and never come back. He did, after an hour of telling him it was over and done, I could not ride the roller coaster he purchased the tickets for.
So now the barrage begins...emails, voicemails, phone calls, threats. I endured for 3 days, at which point I could take no more. Geez, I HAVE been dumped before without any explanations, I just dealt with it.
So on a Wednesday morning I decide it's time to call the cops. Since Feb 16th, I've had to call the cops in Los Banos and Manteca (where he lives) at least once a day. You may think it is excessive, but when a crazy person is calling and emailing non-stop that they are gonna intercept your kid from the bus stop or they are in front of your house watching your niece come and go or that they will come to your work and cause a scene or they left a voice mail in your employers inbox etc...., you can tend to get a little freaked out.
And all this time, here I am trying to do the right thing, and the law can't or wont do a damn thing to protect me. Cant tell you how many times over the course of the last 2 weeks I envisioned this A-Holes' demise at my hands.
So finally, my boss makes me leave work one day and tells me "go get that restraining order"..because yes, I tell him everything, he sees me upset every day and tears shed in front of him a few times as well...
Friday, February 29, 2008
Red Flags...and the mistakes I made by ignoring...
OK, I was jumping ahead of myself there, kinda like a Quentin Tarentino flick!!!
You are asking yourself, what went bad here, why did she need to call the PD? what did he do to her? Well, I'm not going to get into the blow-by-blow juicy details of the story of what went bad. Let's just say, the guy didn not tell me a single truth and after about 3 dates, the fear smellin' dog in me sensed it out. After a week of not returning this guys' calls, for some STUPID reason, I decided to hear him out, his reasons why he "fibbed"...gorgeous bouquets off flowers, the expensive piece of jewlery sent as an apology, a tearful confession...well, I fell for it. At what point do we decide in our lives to STOP being so jaded? STOP being so dis-trusting? Give a guy a little break? Could someone be so enamored of me that he would go to such extremes to impress me? Boy did I get played , and I thought I was smarter than that...BUT all that does not matter, the what, the where and the why and it DOES NOT warrant what followed after, when I finally realized I made a mistake giving this guy chance #2 and told him so! If I had only known it was gonna un-leash some kind of a mental monster the likes I have never came across in my 43 years....OK, tired now, will finsh later.
You are asking yourself, what went bad here, why did she need to call the PD? what did he do to her? Well, I'm not going to get into the blow-by-blow juicy details of the story of what went bad. Let's just say, the guy didn not tell me a single truth and after about 3 dates, the fear smellin' dog in me sensed it out. After a week of not returning this guys' calls, for some STUPID reason, I decided to hear him out, his reasons why he "fibbed"...gorgeous bouquets off flowers, the expensive piece of jewlery sent as an apology, a tearful confession...well, I fell for it. At what point do we decide in our lives to STOP being so jaded? STOP being so dis-trusting? Give a guy a little break? Could someone be so enamored of me that he would go to such extremes to impress me? Boy did I get played , and I thought I was smarter than that...BUT all that does not matter, the what, the where and the why and it DOES NOT warrant what followed after, when I finally realized I made a mistake giving this guy chance #2 and told him so! If I had only known it was gonna un-leash some kind of a mental monster the likes I have never came across in my 43 years....OK, tired now, will finsh later.
Reaching out to "the law"...
OK, 1st of all, what a joke that is!!!! HAHAHAAA!!!
Call PD, officer shows up at your house...you tell him your reason for calling...he looks at you like you are the stupidist woman in the world, especially when you tell him how you met this guy. So you must explain why you feel scared, threatened...then you let him hear the voice mails (19 at this point as I had to save "the greatest hits" to save space in my voice mailbox) left by the person whom you are being threatened by...humilitating. As the officer listens, he looks at you like you are somehow deserving of this treatment. You kinda understand his point...is he going to see you with this guy a week later, holding hands, kissing, making googly eyes at each other? Happens all the time, police officers see it all the time as well. How many domestic calls do they go out on and the alleged victim who made the call turns on the responding officer?? Just watch "Cops", you see it all the time! So now I have to explain to the officer as well, that I am not this calibur of a person, I am NOT fodder for the TV show "Cops".
Mr Police Officer leaves my house with the promise to call my soon to be stalker and tell him to quit calling and emailing me. Visiting officer of course, advises me "get a restraining order" (of course, why did I not thnk of that, DUH!). Sure Officer, I'll take a whole day off work, miss a whole day's pay, recant my whole embarrasing story to someone else so that when my stalker comes to kill me, I can hold that paper up in front of him and somehow, it will magically stop a bullet, his hands around my throat or a knife against my neck...O, and while he's on top of me trying to kill me, I'll be sure and call you, K????
OK, so hours go by, I was hoping maybe I'd get a call from the officer that was out to my house saying he called, or at least tried (I know at this point "stalker man's" not gonna answer his phone), nothing heard, so I call PD to try and get some info, once again I get the sighs and exasperated tone reserved for a pain in the ass that I'm sure "water cooler talk' at the PD has already circulated around about me that morning.
Call PD, officer shows up at your house...you tell him your reason for calling...he looks at you like you are the stupidist woman in the world, especially when you tell him how you met this guy. So you must explain why you feel scared, threatened...then you let him hear the voice mails (19 at this point as I had to save "the greatest hits" to save space in my voice mailbox) left by the person whom you are being threatened by...humilitating. As the officer listens, he looks at you like you are somehow deserving of this treatment. You kinda understand his point...is he going to see you with this guy a week later, holding hands, kissing, making googly eyes at each other? Happens all the time, police officers see it all the time as well. How many domestic calls do they go out on and the alleged victim who made the call turns on the responding officer?? Just watch "Cops", you see it all the time! So now I have to explain to the officer as well, that I am not this calibur of a person, I am NOT fodder for the TV show "Cops".
Mr Police Officer leaves my house with the promise to call my soon to be stalker and tell him to quit calling and emailing me. Visiting officer of course, advises me "get a restraining order" (of course, why did I not thnk of that, DUH!). Sure Officer, I'll take a whole day off work, miss a whole day's pay, recant my whole embarrasing story to someone else so that when my stalker comes to kill me, I can hold that paper up in front of him and somehow, it will magically stop a bullet, his hands around my throat or a knife against my neck...O, and while he's on top of me trying to kill me, I'll be sure and call you, K????
OK, so hours go by, I was hoping maybe I'd get a call from the officer that was out to my house saying he called, or at least tried (I know at this point "stalker man's" not gonna answer his phone), nothing heard, so I call PD to try and get some info, once again I get the sighs and exasperated tone reserved for a pain in the ass that I'm sure "water cooler talk' at the PD has already circulated around about me that morning.
Internet Personals...
1st of all, you probably think, 'Well, she's "surfin the 'net for men...HA! what does she expect?" Let me tell you, these types of persons can be met anywhere...school, Starbucks, work, grocery store, gas stationbars and yes even CHURCH!
No person (man or woman) deserves the kind of crap I have had to endure the last 16 days for any reason, whatsoever! When you start seeing someone, it's all about the "gettin to know you" process, if after a while you dont feel comfortable with what you've learned or seen, it is within your every right to decide you dont want to see that person anymore. Doesnt matter how you met the person, whether it be on a personals site or any other format, once you've decided it's not going to work for you and you've seen those red flags and those warning bells went off and you've decided to bail that is YOUR CHOICE...and YOUR RIGHT.
(Good news is Manteca PD has just informed me as of tonite, HE HAS BEEN SERVED!)
Before I dive into my cautionary tale, I just need to get a few things off my chest.
After receiving NUMEROUS phoone calls, voice mails, emails...all obscene, vulgar and YES, theatening against me, my family and the security of my work place, I decided to call the police. My decision was based on 19/25 voice mails in one night, over 500 emails with the same content in the course of 4 days that finally made me crack and decide to reach out and get some help on this situation....
No person (man or woman) deserves the kind of crap I have had to endure the last 16 days for any reason, whatsoever! When you start seeing someone, it's all about the "gettin to know you" process, if after a while you dont feel comfortable with what you've learned or seen, it is within your every right to decide you dont want to see that person anymore. Doesnt matter how you met the person, whether it be on a personals site or any other format, once you've decided it's not going to work for you and you've seen those red flags and those warning bells went off and you've decided to bail that is YOUR CHOICE...and YOUR RIGHT.
(Good news is Manteca PD has just informed me as of tonite, HE HAS BEEN SERVED!)
Before I dive into my cautionary tale, I just need to get a few things off my chest.
After receiving NUMEROUS phoone calls, voice mails, emails...all obscene, vulgar and YES, theatening against me, my family and the security of my work place, I decided to call the police. My decision was based on 19/25 voice mails in one night, over 500 emails with the same content in the course of 4 days that finally made me crack and decide to reach out and get some help on this situation....
A Regular Saturday night...
...and everyone was gone from the house that weekend...I was getting geared up for my trip to Mexico, having a few beers. I decided to surf the net for a little bit and logged onto my PlentyOfFish account...there was an IM message that popped up on my screen. I usually check out the person's profile before answering any IM's, I'm not crazy about instant messaging.
He looked OK, picture kinda blurry, 49 years old, single, didnt live to far from me. We chatted a few messages sent back and forth, in the interim, he sent his cell number over, I jotted it down and gave him a call a few days later. After about a week of emails and short phone conversations, we decided to meet. He seemed normal, said he was an asst. pharmacist for Rite Aid, owned his own home, was articulate, pleasant sounding tone of voice, rides motorcycles like me etc...no bells of warning were going off in my head...they had before on previous occasions with other men.
We decided to meet for a drink on a Saturday night at Pea Soup Anderson in Santa Nella, a safe place for me as if I decide I need to leave, it could be tuff for someone to follow me home. Also very public, good well-lit parking lot etc...'date' was set.
He looked OK, picture kinda blurry, 49 years old, single, didnt live to far from me. We chatted a few messages sent back and forth, in the interim, he sent his cell number over, I jotted it down and gave him a call a few days later. After about a week of emails and short phone conversations, we decided to meet. He seemed normal, said he was an asst. pharmacist for Rite Aid, owned his own home, was articulate, pleasant sounding tone of voice, rides motorcycles like me etc...no bells of warning were going off in my head...they had before on previous occasions with other men.
We decided to meet for a drink on a Saturday night at Pea Soup Anderson in Santa Nella, a safe place for me as if I decide I need to leave, it could be tuff for someone to follow me home. Also very public, good well-lit parking lot etc...'date' was set.
A message sent...
Well, as most folks who know me, know I like to surf the internet personals. Living in a small town, the pickins' for men to meet are very slim.
I have met some really great guys in this manner, dated a few, nothing serious, but have made some friends as well.
Around the 1st of December, I was messaged by this guy on PlentyOfFish, a site that I've been on since Sept. 2007. I've met a few men here, never really had any serious dates from the site, but as I stated before, met some guys that have become friends...but the message I got from Glenn on Dec. 7th was THE START of what has become a living nightmare, so bad, I have had to obtain a restraining order as of Feb. 18th against him...which as of today, due to some serious f-up's in the "system" still has not been served upon him.
I need to tell my story to 1) VENT against a system of laws inplace where the victim can becoome the "bad guy" and the alleged stalker is protected BY LAW! crazy huh? and 2) as a cautinary tale about the signs of a potentail stalker and what to do and NOT to do when getting the law envolved...
I have met some really great guys in this manner, dated a few, nothing serious, but have made some friends as well.
Around the 1st of December, I was messaged by this guy on PlentyOfFish, a site that I've been on since Sept. 2007. I've met a few men here, never really had any serious dates from the site, but as I stated before, met some guys that have become friends...but the message I got from Glenn on Dec. 7th was THE START of what has become a living nightmare, so bad, I have had to obtain a restraining order as of Feb. 18th against him...which as of today, due to some serious f-up's in the "system" still has not been served upon him.
I need to tell my story to 1) VENT against a system of laws inplace where the victim can becoome the "bad guy" and the alleged stalker is protected BY LAW! crazy huh? and 2) as a cautinary tale about the signs of a potentail stalker and what to do and NOT to do when getting the law envolved...
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